I have gone back and forth (and back and forth) about blogging about the past 24 hours or not. This may not make any sense to some people reading this, but I have decided to post it. I have always wanted this blog to:
1. Glorify God.
2. Share our family and faith.
3. Document our adoption journey, and encourage others to adopt.
This post is a part of our adoption journey that I want to be documented, and so here goes...
As I was getting in the bed at 11:15 p.m. on Saturday night, I felt it. A prompting in my heart. I felt restless even as I laid down. As soon as I put my head on the pillow, I heard a voice in my heart saying, "Get out of bed, get on your knees and pray for your daughter. Intercede for Caroline."
I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me to pray for our daughter. So, I got up, went into our bathroom, got on my knees and earnestly prayed for Caroline. I just felt like something was wrong. She needed me. No, she needed God. She needed Him to intervene.
I prayed and prayed and then felt a true peace as I went to bed that night. A divine peace that only comes from Him. We went to church the next day, and everything was fine. Although, Caroline remained heavy on my heart throughout the morning. I think about her all the time, but this was different. It was a heaviness. Don't know any other way to explain it.
During the sermon, our pastor preached about prayer and fasting. He called our entire church to a day of prayer and fasting on this Wednesday, January 5th. I felt the Holy Spirit again say, "Pray for your daughter." I immediately knew that I would dedicate this prayer day to specifically praying for her.
After church, we went to lunch with some friends, and then I had to go to the store. I purposely try not to go to the store on Sundays, but Carson had to have some extra school supplies to take to school today. The shopping trip was non-eventful. Everything was fine.
Until I got in the car to drive home. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I burst into tears. Something was wrong with our daughter. The Holy Spirit was prompting me again to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Through my tears, I just continued to pray for her. It is such a surreal experience to cry out to God for your daughter that you have never seen, you have no idea where she is, you don't even know if she is born...you know nothing except the fact that something is wrong. She needs help. She needs the Lord to wrap His arms around her and rescue her.
I got home, and through my tears, told Jody everything I had experienced in the last 24 hours. Well, less than 24 hours really. That was the last prompting I've had, although she is still heavy on my heart. I will be praying for her all day on Wednesday.
I know I may sound crazy, but this is the first time God has prompted me like this (to urgently pray for Caroline Faith) during this whole journey. There was one day in April, when I was urgently prompted to pray for her birth mother.
God is giving me peace, and I am resting in that. I am resting in the fact that Caroline Faith is SAFE in His arms. And truly, there is no better place to be than in the arms of your Father.
I should know...that's exactly where I am too.
"He gathers the lambs in His arms, and carries them close to His heart..." Isaiah 40:11