Plus, I had not even seen the sun shine at all in the past 4 days. The rain continued to fall from the gray clouds for the 4th day in a row, and my mood definitely matched the weather.
I walked early in the dark of the morning with a constant drizzle falling on my head, but I didn't even care. The still and quiet was just so peaceful, and walking and talking with the Lord was soothing to my weary heart.
Thankfully, last night was the night of our once a month, Wednesday night renewal service. We always have a time before the service starts where you can come and pray. Well, ya'll know me and my "lateness" problem. Getting somewhere on time is a victory. Getting somewhere early? Let's just say those times are few and far between.
Nevertheless, I was determined to make it to church early so that I could have some time to pray. I wanted to lift up some of our friends and family, and of course, I wanted to pray for our adoption journey. I was trying to make it there by 6:00, and I made it by 6:15. (typical!) :)
But the service didn't start until 6:30, so I still had 15 minutes to pray. I started in my seat with my face down to my knees just lifting up some friends who are going through some hard times. Then, my sweet mentor at our church came over and just prayed the most precious prayer over me. When she left, I knew it was now time to pray for Caroline Faith.
I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to go down front and kneel at the altar. Which is really just the front of the stage at the auditorium. I wear my "Caroline Faith" bracelet every single day...no exceptions. I only take it off at night and to shower.
Well, as I was kneeling down, the round medallion with her name on it slipped off my bracelet and fell to the floor under my knees. Strange. I picked it up and just automatically placed it on the altar (the stage) in front of me. That's when it hit me...
Wow. That's exactly what God was calling me to do. Give Caroline Faith to the Lord...completely. To lay her down at His feet. To give our adoption journey totally to Him. I left it there on the altar while I continued to pray for our baby girl.
Then, I came back to my seat and had a couple of minutes before the service. I always read my Jesus Calling devotional in the morning when I am reading my Bible, but I had not had time to read it that morning. I had brought it with me, so I picked it up, and this is a part of what I read...
TRUST ME by relinquishing control into My hands. Let go and recognize that I am God. When you bring Me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before Me. Speak to Me candidly; pour out your heart...
I couldn't believe it. That is just what had happened. I had laid out my concerns (our daughter) before Him. He was again confirming that that was exactly what He wanted me to do.
Then wouldn't you know the whole sermon last night was about Abraham giving Isaac to the Lord, when God called him to sacrifice his only son. And our campus pastor had even had a real altar built that was up on the stage. I had not even noticed it when I first came in.
Everyone had been given a pen and notecard when they came into the service. At the end of the message, there was a time when you could write down something that you felt God was calling you to give to Him. Then, if you wanted to, you could bring the notecard down to the front and lay it down on the altar.
Is this not unbelievable how God works!?! As ya'll can imagine, it took about half a second for me to know what God was calling me to give to Him. I wrote on my notecard, "Caroline Faith" and then drew a heart beside her name. Then I walked to front and gave her to the Lord.
Later as we stood up to sing the final song, I physically felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt so free, and Jesus was filling my heart with His peace and joy again.
I couldn't wait to tell Jody all about it later that night. There were some other things God showed me yesterday too, that I also got to tell him about. I am always amazed how God can speak to each one of us so perfectly and so personally at the exact time that we need it most!
Today, my heart is full and free...thankful and trusting. And guess what?
The sun is shining!!! :)
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36