I have to admit, it was very hard to type those words just then. Those are words that I hoped and prayed that I would never have to type. It has been hard to imagine what it would feel like to sit on the waiting list for over 24 months. But today that has become a reality.
We have now entered the time frame that I have been referring to in my mind as "no man's land"...or "no adoptive mama's land" maybe I should say because it's a territory that no adoptive mama ever wants to enter! :)
Our agency used to give us waitlist time frame estimates like "9-12 months", "12-18 months" or "18-24 months". It seems we have reached every single time frame right as they extended it. Now our agency is just saying that families can expect to wait on the waitlist for "24 months or longer".
Ahhh...those two words "or longer" are not fun. They are very unknown, very indefinite. But here we are in that time frame of "or longer" where we are literally just praying and asking and believing God for a MIRACLE!!!
That's why I have (once again!) changed my title on these monthly posts to "25 Months and BELIEVING"! As we have hit the 17th of each month, I have documented about our journey. For the first 12 months, I titled the posts, "1 Month and Counting", "2 Months and Counting", etc. Once we finally hit the 12 month mark, I changed the title of the posts to "12 Months and Hoping", "13 Months and Hoping", etc. Then when we finally hit the 18 month mark, I changed it to "18 Months and PRAYING", "19 Months and PRAYING", etc.
But now, I will be using the word "BELIEVING" because that is exactly what we are doing. We are fasting and praying and pleading and asking and crying and begging God for a MIRACLE for our baby girl! And all the while, we are believing that the God we serve...the GOD OF THE IMPOSSIBLE...can do ANYTHING!!! I still believe in MIRACLES!
I am praying for some specific miracles for our adoption journey and for our baby girl, and I can't wait to see how God answers! But I have to be honest that this is a very hard season for me as a mama. I have been very sentimental and emotional today. Please continue to lift us up to the Father.
I usually don't share what I write in my prayer journal, but I am feeling like I just need to open up my heart today. I pray that our daughter will one day read all these posts and know how we have loved her and prayed for her over the past 25 months on this waitlist.
Some days (like today), I feel like I can't do this wait for even one more day. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. But right when I get to the end of me, that's where You are waiting to pick me up. You give me the strength to go on when I don't think I can. You give me the grace to make it another day on this journey of praying our daughter home.
Please, Lord, hear my cry to You. Please hear my prayer and answer according to Your perfect will...
Please, Jesus, let us see the face of our daughter very soon. Please pour out Your mercy, justice and favor on our adoption journey.
Jesus, please bring her HOME.
"In You, LORD my God, I put my trust."