Saturday, December 1, 2012

"New" November 2012 Number!!!

Well, we got an email yesterday afternoon from B, one of the AGCI case workers, with our "new" November 2012 waitlist number.  I put new in quotation marks because, as you can see, this number is not really new to us...

Yep!  We are #5 once again on the AGCI girl waitlist!

This is now our THIRD month at #5 and our THIRD November number to receive from our adoption agency.  In November 2010, we were #74.  In November 2011, we were #22. And we are now #5 (again) in November 2012.  I am praying that the "third time's a charm" and we will not be #5 in December!  This is our first time in these 26+ months on the waitlist to ever stay at the same number for 3 months in a row.

Even though I was kind of expecting this, I still felt physically sick when I got the email.  It was like a quick wave of nausea hit me when I saw that #5.  It was the feeling of hope being lost.  The Bible says in Proverbs that "hope deferred makes the heart sick", and that is so true.

Thankfully, God was so gracious, and allowed me to be in the middle of a very crowded Lifeway store while I was doing some Christmas shopping.  I got tears in my eyes, but I did not have a complete breakdown! :)

I continued to fight some discouragement and frustration throughout the afternoon until we had a slight accident/incident with Carson last night that completely took my mind off the fact that we are still #5.  Again, God is gracious.  He takes even bad incidents in our lives and brings good from them.  I will share more later about our LONG night last night.  And thankfully, Carson is going to be just fine!  God used this incident to take all my attention off feeling sorry for myself and turning it to our precious son!

As sad as I was to not move closer to our baby girl this month, my heart also went out to the 4 families above us on the girl list.  Because of some recent referrals this month, the only families in the whole AGCI Ethiopia program to not have any movement this month were the top 5 families on the girl list.  And the 4 families above us on the list have obviously been waiting on their baby girls even longer than we have, and I know this must have been a hard month for them too emotionally.

This is not a #5 verse, but I am clinging to these verses and I recite them in my heart "umpteen" times a day...

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:13-14

11 comments:

Robin said...

I was so hoping to see number 3 or 1 for you this month. I am so sorry. I can only imagine how you kept it together and kept shopping. Hoping and praying for you.

Mrs. J said...

my heart aches for you in reading this post. I am praying for you and your family. praying that he joins you together soon. Be encouraged and know this adoption community loves you and we are pulling for you. you are not alone!

Angela Hunt said...

I love that verse. This week I've been reading, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope." -Psalm 130 I can't wait to hear news of your referral!

Delana said...

That was one of my favorite verses during our long journey! God is faithful! Hang in there! Christmas was always a difficult time for me...Hang in there! Don't give up! Yes, holidays are the toughest, I agree! http://nineyearpregnancy.wordpress.com/2012/12/01/good-grief-its-christmas/

Jennifer said...

You have been on my heart lately and I have kept checking and waiting for this post. I am so sorry that you haven't moved. God's timing is perfect and as hard as that is for us we have to trust in it. Continued prayers for you all and precious Caroline Faith:)

cal+claire said...

Praying!

woosterweester said...

That verse is perfect. And? You're probably going to have to repeat it to me a hundred times when we're in the top five just to keep me sane.:) Love you.

Laurie said...

Oh, sweet friend, may God continue to be your strength and comfort while you wait. I hope that you and your family have a blessed Christmas and that the Prince of Peace covers you with His unfailing love in a very special way!

Andy and Kristen said...

I can so relate to the feelings of anticipation as you wait anxiously for the update, and then trying to hold it together as you realize the numbers are still what they were the last time. Praying for strength and peace for you as you continue to wait and trust.
xo,
Kristen

Rachelle said...

Alison I oh so badly want for you to know who your precious dear is. Standing with you. The Lord is using you to encourage others in their faith through your faith. My heart aches as I read this post because I know what this is to feel how you do. Every time I would pass into another month and reflected on the years past in that same month it felt heavy..too long...unfair....and yet then just as He has for you The Lord gave me more hope and faith in my struggle of waiting. Just want to hug you!!! HUG!

i_love_sydney said...

Oh dear-I have been following your blog from the beginning-you are so patient & an example to me!
ZI saw this post & thought of your family
http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/it-is-not-enough.html
PRAYING Caroline Faith will be home next year-surely 2013 will be that year.