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Well, I am going to try to share what God has been doing in my heart during this 32nd month waiting on our sweet daughter. I hope I can convey it in the right way, so that ya'll can understand.
About 3 weeks ago, I came to a "breaking point" emotionally. I simply realized that I could not go on like this anymore. I recognized that we may very well have several more months of waiting ahead of us, and I would have to "take a step back emotionally" in the wait from this point on.
This does not at all mean that I don't still love our Caroline and want her home soon. Believe me, I want it. I want her. Big time. This does not at all mean that I don't believe that God could do the impossible and our phone could ring today. I believe that He can do anything. This does not at all mean that I am not praying for our daughter. I am praying constantly. I even have 2 alarms set on my phone that go off every single day at 8:38 am and 8:38 pm to pray for our Caroline and Ethiopia (because of Ethiopia's latitude and longitude at 8 and 38, we have a group of fellow waiting mamas all praying at these times daily).
This "taking a step back emotionally" just means that I am going to try my best each and every day to live fully engaged in the waiting journey...even ENJOY the journey (dare I say that?). :) God has us waiting for a reason. As long as we are waiting, there is purpose in it. I believe in God's sovereignty over all things...and this includes our journey to Caroline Faith. Every single minute of every single day of every single month of every single year we have waited since the spring of 2010 has been under His control and according to His divine plan.
This "taking a step back emotionally" means that I will not live anymore with my cell phone glued to my side. I will not freak out (hopefully!) every time it rings. I will not plan my day around getting "the call" or say no to doing things, "just in case we get the call". I am going to try to not cry every day. Notice I said try! Let's not push it here, ya'll. ;) I will not sit around feeling sorry for myself about how long we have waited. The pity parties are over.
This "taking a step back emotionally" means that I am going to try my best (with God's help!) to live fully engaged and fully joyful with the three of our four children who are home with us now. They need me. I am going to live fully engaged in life with my amazing husband. He needs me. God has been so gracious to grow our marriage even more in the wait. I am going to live fully engaged and fully in love with my Savior. I want to honor and glorify Him alone in the wait. I want to live life to the fullest everyday for Him, and do what He is calling me to do.
In Him is life, and He is enough.
The Lord continues to show us His love and His grace. And I know that He has not forgotten us. Just this week at just the right time (more details to come later), Jody and I got this text from a friend...
"Hey guys. I feel like God just told me to send ya'll a text saying that the wait for Caroline Faith will be worth it. Not sure where things stand but I feel like He wanted me to pass that along to you."
Tears are flowing now, ya'll. I told ya'll I would "try" not to cry, remember? :)
I can't wait to share more details on the timeliness of that text because it is unbelievable. Only God! ONLY GOD! He is so good, and He does not forget His children! He is faithful. Always faithful.
My tears are because of His goodness and graciousness to us on this adoption journey.
"Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
7
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of deliverance."
Psalm 32:6-7
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8 comments:
oh, friend. this is exactly what i needed to read today. you are so right. each word in this post resonated with my heart. i'm continuing to pray for your family and your daughter. and, i'm praying that God will continue to work during the wait. He is sovereign and He IS faithful. love your heart, Alison! hugs to you today!!!!!
LOve your perspective. So needed to hear this today.
this is beautiful. i wanted to share with you that it was because of you that i read the book the land between. during and after reading i sought the
Lord deeply as we had been struggling to start our family for years. it helped me deeply and icame to a place that i really could give it to God and fully trustHim no matter what He willed. changed my lifeand my faith walk. do you know that a couple of months later we found out we were expecting? praise God that it was His timing because what i got through the desert was life to my dried up body. i am going to set my clock and join u in praying as well. God bless!
Hi! I feel like I know you, but it's that weird blog world know.. I should introduce myself! I'm Kim.
I've been reading your blog for over a year. We are in month 19 of what now we are told will be a 26-31 month Ethiopia adopt wait through a different agency. We are girl 0-2. I've often thought I would comment about how your openness, the books your reading, the circles you are praying, and the scripture you share have impacted my spiritual growth in this journey. I too try to focus on my kids and spouse in the "right now" because they are growing up too fast (they will be in 7th and 5th grade in the fall)!
Please know your journey is blessing others and me beyond what I can even express! You are so well written and I completely relate!
The idea of praying at 8:38 was so profound to me that I googled 8:38 Ethiopia. What I discovered was so cool, I decided I needed to share with you!
ACTS 8:38 Philip and the Ethiopian
26 Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” 27 So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian[a] eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of the Kandake (which means “queen of the Ethiopians”). This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, 28 and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the Book of Isaiah the prophet. 29 The Spirit told Philip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.”
30 Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. “Do you understand what you are reading?” Philip asked.
31 “How can I,” he said, “unless someone explains it to me?” So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.
32 This is the passage of Scripture the eunuch was reading:
“He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
and as a lamb before its shearer is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
33 In his humiliation he was deprived of justice.
Who can speak of his descendants?
For his life was taken from the earth.”[b]
34 The eunuch asked Philip, “Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?” 35 Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.
36 As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, “Look, here is water. What can stand in the way of my being baptized?” [37] [c]
38 And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him.
39 When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Philip away, and the eunuch did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing.
Praying for you referral and your sweet family to be complete. BTW we both have a Carson! Only mine is 12!
You are so brave, sweet friend. There will be SO many of us around you rejoicing with you when we finally see the word "referral" on your blog! And that day WILL come...at the perfect time. You are right--God is ALWAYS faithful and He has not forgotten you or sweet Caroline. Hang on a little longer...you're almost there!
I wish I had some beautiful, Biblical insight for you. I wish that I could offer you something to encourage you. But all I really have is that I'm praying for you and that God will continue to teach you on this journey.
You are always an encouragement to me and something that the Lord is calling me to as well! Steadfast. Joyful. Obedient! Praying hard for y'all!!!
He is faithful! "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6b
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