Wednesday, November 6, 2013

To Those Who Still Wait...

I don't know how many of ya'll still read our blog, since I, admittedly, am not blogging near as much.  It is really hard to find the time to sit down at the computer and just write.  The desire on my part is there, but the time is just not.  With 4 kids now, and our littlest just shy of 2 months being home, there seems to always be other things that need to get done.

Blogging always gets put on the back it should.  Our little ones need me a lot right now, and I am so blessed to be able to stay home with them during this season of attaching, bonding and adjusting.  Which are all topics I hope to be able to blog about soon.  As well as finally finish our 2nd trip posts!  Ahhhhh...lots of "catching up" to do.  But today my heart is heavy for those of ya'll who still wait.

Carson got up in my bed this morning as I was reading my Bible and he had brought his Tim Tebow book.  He was showing me some of the Scripture in the book and asking me to look up the references. I was so surprised at the three verses he asked me to look up because they were verses that God had repeatedly given me during our long wait for Caroline Faith.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, And in His Word do I hope."  Psalm 130:5

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

These verses have once again resonated in my heart today.  It's obvious to all that our adoption journey to Caroline Faith really turned into a "waiting on the Lord journey".  That was not something we ever anticipated as we began this journey to her.  It honestly never once occurred to me that we would have a long wait for her.  If anything, we were thinking it might happen so quickly that we would barely have time to be prepared for her arrival!

We now realize that when we started the adoption process, and even after being placed on the long waitlist that God had not even created our daughter yet.  He had yet to place her in her birthmother's womb.  But He already had put us in place to be matched with her in His perfect timing that would not come until YEARS later.  And in His sovereignty, He knew that He would use those years as a time of growth, refining, pruning that would not be easy and would require much faith and perseverance.

Honestly, as I look back on those years now, I know that the only reason we made it through was His grace alone.   And I know many of ya'll are still in that extremely hard place of waiting.  There is just nothing easy about it, and nothing I can say will take away the pain and longing of your wait.  Whether you are waiting on a child, a spouse, a job, healing, restoration, is always about waiting on the Lord.

But I will say this, I can now see such beauty in the wait for Caroline Faith.  I still remember the pain of it, but now I see His redemption.  I still think of all the tears I cried for a daughter we had never even met, and now I weep when I hold her in my arms at night.  God's goodness and faithfulness just too much to even take in.  I know the emotional pain of waiting that affects you emotionally, spiritually and even physically.  But now, my mind, body and soul are at rest in His presence.

I literally feel like a huge, emotional burden has been lifted off my shoulders.  The moment she was back in our arms in Ethiopia on our 2nd trip, the weight was gone.  Only God!  It was such an amazing feeling.  That first night in Ethiopia, I slept so well.  Even though we were waking up with her every two hours, I slept like so soundly between those feedings.  My heart could finally rest.  Our 3 and a half year journey to our daughter was complete, and the overwhelming sense of peace was tangible.

This afternoon, Caroline Faith and I ate lunch together and had a little play time before her nap, like we do almost every week day while the big kids are at school.  I was all of a sudden so overcome with emotion.  I was hoping that my tears wouldn't scare her!

The love that God has given me for this little girl is just so immense.  I can see now how He used the last several years to begin to knit her into our family and into our hearts.  We were emotionally bonded to her before we even saw her face.  And that is just not even possible without the Lord!  It was truly love at first sight, when we finally did see her face this past May.  Only God!  And then the love just continued to grow as we held a scared and crying almost one year old in July, who would soon be declared our daughter.  Just Jesus.  And 6 weeks later, we brought home a tiny, precious 13 month old who God had made to perfectly fit in our family.  Beauty from ashes.  That's what God does.  He was redeeming the pain of the wait, and the loss that our daughter had experienced before she was in our arms.

Today is definitely one of those days that my heart is full to the point of overflowing.  I can barely take in God's goodness and faithfulness.  It is too much for me to even comprehend.  Yes, we have our crazy days (more often that not!).  Yes, there are days that I feel completely overwhelmed by the laundry and endless to do lists.  Yes, there are days that I feel completely inadequate to be the mother of four children.  And I am inadequate!  I cannot do this apart from the presence of Christ in my life!  I can't do this alone!

God taught me complete dependence on Him during the long wait because He knew that I would have to rely on Him completely in the days ahead.  He gave me a heart and empathy for others who wait because He wants me to encourage.  He gave me love for a little girl halfway around the world that I had never even met, because He would be faithful to complete our journey to bring our daughter home.

I know I have rambled a little with my sleep-deprived, mom of 4, crazy brain.  Haha!  But it really all comes down to this...To those of you who still wait, hang in there!!!  These things I know:





"Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of JOY comes in the morning!"
Psalm 30:5


Unknown said...

Thank you, sweet friend. I am so blessed to have you as such an encouragement and inspiration in my own adoption journey. So So very happy for you! Love you!

Megan said...

Love this-and you!! Thank you for your encouragement! I have so much hope, and joy as I read this!

Erika said...

I began following your blog early this year. We just received our immigration approval last week for our adoption and have a ways to go, so this is an encouraging post for me.