Today, May 17, 2011, marks our EIGHT MONTH waitlist anniversary!
I am always excited to hit the 17th of every month because that means we are another month closer to seeing the sweet face of our Caroline Faith! I will admit, this month is a little harder knowing that our agency has just extended the expected waitlist time to 18 months.
It's hard to imagine being on the waitlist for 10 more months. It's a big reality check to think that we may not even be halfway through our time on the waitlist. And last night, I started to feel a little discouraged about it. It hurts my heart to think of waiting so much longer to know about our daughter.
But as I was walking early this morning, God spoke so clearly to my heart. I heard Him ask, "Do you trust Me?" In my heart, I responded, "Yes, Lord, you know that I trust You."
Then I heard Him ask again, "Do you REALLY trust Me?" Again, I responded, "Yes, Lord, I trust You fully to bring her home."
His response kind of surprised me. I clearly heard Him say, "Then start living like it. Start living every day like you trust Me. Show me that you trust Me."
Wow. I was instantly convicted. When I start to get discouraged and complain, then I am, in a sense, showing God that I don't completely trust Him. When I am filled with complete trust in my Lord and Savior, then there should be no room for complaint and discouragement.
I am trying to do better about pouring out my heart to the Lord everyday. As soon as the feelings of doubt or fear arise, I pour it out to Him. When the overwhelming emotions of the wait become too much, I lay them at His feet. When the tears began to fall, I go to His arms. When the questions fill my heart, I ask Him. He's a really big God, and He can totally handle it.
And the amazing thing is, when I pour out all these feelings to Him, He replaces them with His hope, His peace, His mercy, His comfort and His love. And then my heart can rest. Only in Him, can I truly rest.
Yes, we may have a really long wait ahead of us, but God has a purpose in it. He has the perfect plan for our daughter in Ethiopia. We trust Him, and we're going to start living like it!
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8